So, I have spoken to my parents about guiding their children through life as they develop their own methods of emotional expressions, examined the way my friends and I discuss our emotions (or how we avoid that discussion), and now, it is time to consider my own concepts and beliefs of emotional expression. Theoretically, this conversation should be the easiest as, one, it is not a conversation at all, two, I know my own thoughts, and three, I can pick and choose what to say so I can make myself sound intelligent. However, this turns out to be a difficult discussion. I have realized that – in order to talk about emotions on a personal level, I have to talk about my own emotions – something I regularly try to avoid. Coming to this realization, I have decided (perhaps against my better judgement) to pick apart my resistance to actually talking about my own emotions. I do this in the hope that someone will read a piece of this conversation with my mind and find it relatable, and see a model for their own conversations about emotions (either with their own minds, or with other people).

 

 

I do this in the hope that someone will read a piece of this...and see a model for their own conversations...

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        At the beginning of the research for this project, I knew I would be arguing that emotional expression in public spaces is natural and should be understood as such, not completely ignored and swept under the rug. This also meant, though, that I would have to deal with my personal reservations about such expression. I am not much of a sharer, but, then again, I cannot think of a person who would easily admit to being one. So I must ask: what is a “sharer” and how does that relate with emotional expression?

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        When I think of a “sharer,” my initial thoughts are the obvious and very rarely correct idea of some weepy person in the back of a movie theater who hysterically cries and narrates every emotion running through their mind. And of course, this is usually never realistic. But I do think that the fact that that depiction is the first thing that goes through my mind when I think of sharing or emotional expression says something.  Emotions are not usually loud, and most are not usually shared. If we dictated every passing emotion we felt, we could never stop talking. Emotions are felt in the mind – on the inside of a person. It is my belief that is the reason why emotions have to be expressed without fear of judgement. When you internalize these overwhelming and all-consuming emotions with no release valve, they have a way of taking over.

 

 

Emotions are not usually loud, and most are not usually shared.

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        And everyone has those stories. The time they lost their wits in the freezer aisle of the grocery store, the breakdowns in the bathrooms of parties, the existential crises that only seem to happen after two am on stone steps (as an aside, yes, those are my stories). Ah, you can almost taste that feeling, can’t you? Weird thing to say, perhaps, but I can. Those instances, specifically, are the culmination of internalized fear that my thoughts were not similar to others as well as (to use the cliché) “bottling everything up.”

Interestingly, there is a clear theme in those instances: fear or anxiety. Now to get personal (though, I think many people share this tendency): I do not like to tell people when I am scared or worried. If I am having a good day and things are going my way, I would scream that from the rooftop, because that paints me in a good light. On the flip side of that, why would I want people to know that I cannot do everything and that sometimes I am less than I need to be to fit this picture-perfect version of myself…that I created? And there is a reason for that. I created an image – a reputation – that I want to fulfill. Perfect Meggie is emotionally balanced because she has everything handled. Perfect Meggie does not need to be nervous because she is in control.

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        Yet, logically, I know that people do not expect me to be that way all of the time. I am a college student – no one expects them to have much of anything together, much less themselves. So why do I still resist expressing my negative emotions? To answer that question, I will back up and look at the environment and culture that has shaped my personality. There is no emphasis on mental health for American kids. The first time I had heard the phrase “mental health” was in high school. On top of that, American schools are competitive and tend to pit students against one another, especially with grade rankings. As someone who put a lot of their identity into their grades, it was very difficult for me to ever admit that I struggled. I cannot remember a math or science class I took that did not eventually end with tears and me reconsidering my intelligence. Adding on this point, I feel it is important to point out the strong connection I make with emotional expression and school. Kids spend a lot of time in school, and there is no good argument that schools foster accepting communities for their students, let alone their students’ emotions.

 

 

And we all have those moments we lose ourselves to our emotions.

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        And we all have those moments we lose ourselves to our emotions. They are unavoidable and, I would argue, part of having those emotions in the first place. There is no stance for an argument that any society in the world is completely conducive to unbridled emotional expression, and that does not mean that there necessarily should be. If we were slaves to our emotions, nothing would every get done. Handling your emotions is part of growing up. You no longer have to cry and scream to get something done – you can do it yourself. So, as you grow, you develop emotional maturity and emotional regularity. I just think that we could use some more support when it comes to those processes and their developments. Like in most things, talking about the issues usually make them a bit more manageable.

And those resources exist, of course. There are people who study human behavior and emotions, and make careers and lives out of helping people manage their own. Unfortunately, therapy and counseling comes with stigma and fear of what people will think of you. In my experience, the people who are open to discussing their experiences and emotions usually have attended some form of counseling and understand the value of relaying those experiences, or, at least, are more over the fear of expressing them than others.

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        I must admit, I have those biases on a very shallow level, which speaks volumes. Me – the person who spent a semester researching emotional expression and wrote about how societies need to emphasize the importance of speaking about those emotions. Breaking down those bias and judgements is an entirely different beast, but I think we can begin to combat them with honest conversations about our emotions, and genuine emotional expression.